I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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