Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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