Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
