i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
