Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
