He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
