This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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