My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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