He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
