it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
