Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
