i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
