worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
