Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
