you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
