My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
