Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
