Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
