The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
