WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wanna go halves on a baby?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
