i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
