I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
