some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He passed out mid-signature
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
