it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
