It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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