i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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