It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
