I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
