i just wanna soil my oats bro
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
