I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
