i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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