She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
