4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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