Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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