I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
