I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
