I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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