I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
