They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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