Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
