Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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