:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
