Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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