new low.... made out with someone while peeing
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
