Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
