I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
