Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just cropdusted the office
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
