A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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