No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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