I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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